when you have nothing else to do

2011-12-01T06:00:00.001-08:00

I nearly forgot that all that cheerfulness that was shown was just a facade to spite.

2011-10-16T17:53:00.000-07:00

Being sensitive may not be a bad thing, but if it has caused you to worry too much, maybe it's time you toughened up your skin and chose to remain as who you are. Don't always change to accomodate the rest, one'll never succeed in pleasing everyone at the same time anyway.

2011-09-24T07:32:00.001-07:00

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead." - Barney Stinson

2011-09-16T17:35:00.001-07:00

Jedi kittens strike back - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z3r9X8OahA

2011-09-15T05:13:00.001-07:00

stay platonic.

2011-03-18T23:42:00.000-07:00

Fml did area cleaning yesterday and had to clean a toilet cubicle used by some cockanaden who shaved his groin hair there. Plus emptying a condom in the pail in the same toilet. What's this some gays getting hot in the toilet? Luckily im not staying there for long. Zzz.

Btw finally got my chevrons. I was obviously lagging behind but what the heck lol.

2011-02-06T04:05:00.000-08:00

Full metal panic Fumoffu ftw

2011-01-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

Lol my bunkmates were shocked to realise that I speak mandarin most of the time. Thats a big accomplishment lol. To blend in wif the rest.

2010-12-25T23:16:00.001-08:00

So now we've got hockseng in the list as well. OCS sword-of-merit holder.

2010-12-19T03:23:00.000-08:00

I want to go on a holiday. Will I get to do so when I ord?

2010-12-18T03:12:00.000-08:00

Back then in Pulau Tekong, BMT, there was a platoonmate of mine who was said to be very weak by everyone. He couldnt do a single pullup at the start. Always followed, never led. But he has a strong willpower. At the end of BMT I saw him manage to overcome low rope w/ SBO. Did gold standard pullups at the end of the course.
Later he went on to SISPEC. And then as an infantry sergeant. And when he passed out, he said that he's now eligible for OCS. Going to bravo wing as an OCT.
Suddenly felt happy and proud of Elijah's growth. And this was the second time, since CX got his bayonet.

2010-12-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

A prerequisite to be a good popping dancer: To keep your head straight despite any body movement.

Like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXUeO3auRZg

2010-11-20T19:36:00.001-08:00

raison d'etre: meaning of one's existence. what's mine?

2010-10-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

I guess its true that in order to quench unquenchable thirst, sometimes it's just best to leave it alone. Or else it'll be like drinking saltwater. I can keep drinking it and bluff myself that I am quenching my thirst, but in fact im just making things worse.
Anyway next week ill be going scs(one batch later than the rest but oh well)
Going alpha company. Im gone lol.
OC is some commando ranger special ops guy who's super xiao on.
CWO is rumored to be a :(ist.
I think im really gone. Im really gone. Haha.

2010-09-30T03:51:00.000-07:00

Haha super happy now. I think most probably I'll be back as a commander le. Though Im not gonna be an officer anymore. But considering how fickle-minded I was, I am really glad that they gave me a second chance as a sergeant.
Now to hope that I get into a slack coy. Lol.

2010-09-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

This week's most probably my last week in NPD. No matter where I go later on, I must learn to be more cautious with my choices haha.
Anyway obviously I have been reading meaningful stuff, such as the quotes in my previous posts and as well as some imba apologetics.. and I have been listening to a meaningful song by MAGIC POWER called 时间倒转.
The lyrics are really meaningful as it really seems to be reminding me to stop looking back into the past like the fun I've had and the wrong stuff I did then because "时间倒转是个不可能的梦想时光机不存在至少在你我的年代". Maybe I've always been living in the past.
But it's hard not to.

2010-09-24T18:14:00.001-07:00

Though it's kinda late, actually really late, to say this, but anyways congratulations to cx to be the GOLDEN BAYONET RECIPIENT!

2010-09-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

"War inflicts death, injury, and pain to both sides. The death of someone
dear is hard to accept. We convince ourselves there's no way they could
die. It especially can't be helped with your generation. You don't know
war! You may try to find meaning in death, but there's only pain. An
unbearable hatred.. senseless death.. eternal hatred.. And pain that
does not heal. That's what war is."

"时间倒转是个不可能的梦想
时光机不存在至少在你我的年代
看着未来
记住手中握的蔚蓝别再为过去伤感
remember
remember life goes on"

2010-09-16T06:50:00.000-07:00

Until now I still have problems trying to play the piece that Adelene passed to me. Feel like quitting but nah. Had enough of being a quitter already. I must keep telling myself that I will definitely reach the stage where I can play the pokemon battle theme! I can do it! .. lol.
And Professor Layton's new installment is out. Shall go get it and solve more fun puzzles.

2010-09-11T05:43:00.001-07:00

Just don't give up
I'm working it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

2010-09-08T06:05:00.001-07:00

Staring into the computer long enough really otakufies one.

2010-09-07T07:27:00.001-07:00

Shred paper.. shred paper.. shred paper..

2010-09-03T04:38:00.001-07:00

Not an officer anymore!

2010-08-31T04:01:00.000-07:00

Woot in the end, I got what I wanted. But now, I need to make the final decision myself. Pride or freedom? Will it have any repercussions of this thing later on?

2010-08-30T05:43:00.001-07:00

I actually missed secondhand serenade's 3rd album!

2010-08-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

Lol I now conclude that everyone, at some point of time, will have this weird thought that everyone around him/her is just a hologram. Or that everyone used to think that they themselves are living inside a gameshow of some sort, and that once their lives end, they will be out of the gameshow and be in the real "reality".
That's some confusing logic here.
Anyway I realised that there are quite a lot of ppl sharing the same thought as well. Just stating this fact so that I wont be called crazy. Yup.

2010-08-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

To all pokemon fans, this video's for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGDiO1G0-K0

Anyway I suddenly realised that I really have an affinity with eagles in OCS.. From Echo Wing to Mids Wing Hawk Division. Lol. Ok that was really random.

2010-08-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

And when I thought I've done it, in the end, I'm still stuck. It's either fate, bad luck or just karma.

2010-08-12T04:22:00.001-07:00

She owns with this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBnlAfvbqE&feature=related

2010-08-12T01:40:00.000-07:00

"Don't be the best. Be better."
Came across this quote which I find worth sharing.
Anyway came back home to slack before going back in later tonight(for one day, and then I'll bookout again-.-)
Woot. Hope tomorrow's presentation ends fast and smooth. And hope that I remember all the points.
And I am confused about what I am feeling now. Or rather what should I feel. Im losing. But I don't feel sad though I thought I would.

2010-08-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

Woot still at home. Haha love long extended weekends.
Today from breakfast till lunch I had fun with the Devil Bringer.
Then at lunch bought Mac.
From lunch till dinner I had fun with the Shotgun.
No gyming, no running, no exercising. The way of the Otaku lol.
...
Cannot la. Can't do this tomorrow. Haha.

2010-08-06T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
Right at you

Suffering consequences for that impulsive decision. Sigh hope to get out ASAP man. I've got my uni course to keep.

2010-08-01T01:33:00.000-07:00

I've decided to forgo being a commander in order to remain in ISE. Hope I've finally made the correct choice this time.

2010-07-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

Fell into a worse trap. Zzz. Now sucking thumb won't be enough to get rid of the pain. Lol.

2010-07-26T03:18:00.001-07:00

A month ago I was with my comrade soldiers, who had ordinary physical and mental capabilities. Now I find myself standing beside monsters.

2010-06-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

I see a big change in someone because of their beliefs. Seriously, the change is shocking. And I can see Him working in him. But me?
I really need to make sure that I am up to it. So please. I can lose all those worldly things for all I care in exchange for more faith. Please let me have it.

2010-06-14T05:18:00.000-07:00

Afraid. Really afraid.

2010-05-30T02:23:00.000-07:00

Why do I still feel so weak? I died at 15 already; I should be numb to all these stuff.

2010-04-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

10 more days for the better or for worse. Lol.

2010-03-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

The heck. Now I'm gonna get even more stressed. Thanks.
... I guess maybe that's why I don't really dread april 28.

2010-03-17T05:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhNAtv_Ss2k

Surrender, humans. We alpacas shall rule the world.

2010-03-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

Piang. Went to both the NTU and NUS open houses and realised I was more interested in the freebies. I didnt really listen to what they say. I guess after the two years in AJC, I've managed to learn the art of stoning(while smiling at the same time).
Dont know where to go. ISE looks attractive but Im not sure Id want to take that or not. Zzz or follow jy and take business?
...

2010-03-13T05:23:00.001-08:00

I think karma obeys the law of conservation. If I were to say something bad or do something bad to any person A, due to karma, a person B may likely say something bad or do something bad to me as well. Then person C will continue the chain. Therefore, karma cannot be destroyed, and maybe, it also cannot be created, since the person that you gossiped about may have gossiped about another as well.

However, you can avoid karma. By not joining in the gossip, you actually let others pass on the karma and receive the karma. By not starting the gossip, someone else will do it for you and so pass on the karma as well.

Still, by doing so, knowing others will receive karma because of you, isnt that a bad thing as well? Wouldn't that cause you to bring karma upon yourself too?

... Really, I think I cant stand my crap post. I knew this karma crap was total nonsense, yet I continued to analyse it seriously just now. I think my brain really needs to do some work. Save me; I have nothing much to do nowadays.

2010-03-11T01:59:00.000-08:00

I realised there is a reason why some of the scores needed to get a particular grade for IPPT is easier than that for NAPFA. (For eg, if you need x pullups to get a NAPFA A, you need probably x-1 pullups to get an IPPT A)

To get IPPT gold you need to achieve at least all grade Bs, unlike NAPFA where you only need to achieve at least all Cs. And I thought SBJ was going to be easier for me zzz.

Furthermore, instead of just getting a B for your 2.4km, which is like 10+ min to 11 min, you have to achieve a timing of 9.45 min and below. That time run 10.30+ already cmi, now want me to try for 9.45. And now with my stamina like that, despite efforts to get it back to that level.. rofl 200 bucks gone liao.

And I thought it's gonna be easy in army since IPPT is supposedly easier than NAPFA. Should have known.

2010-03-09T04:49:00.000-08:00

FF XIII's only out in Xbox360 for the N. American region. Zzz now have to wait for them to ship in my disc I ordered from there. Imba expensive sigh.

Guess I to wait for about 2 weeks. Should I renew my rs membership? =/

2010-03-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

Hey look what I've found -- a really cool rap music video.

Play both these videos,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLx60TZ9_T8

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65ea873fF2Y

at the same time.

2010-03-05T01:09:00.001-08:00

Woot contented with my results. I think my prayer worked. My score was about enough for my name not to appear on the screen, and yet was able to make me feel happy and relieved.

And grats to Chunkiat for getting 88.75! Imba score. Other than a B for GP, he recieved straight As. Nice imbaness.

2010-03-04T14:59:00.000-08:00

Playing Runescape on MOE Judgement Day.

Zzz I dreamt that I will get 3 H2 As but two H1 Es. Wah really scared that will actually happen. The score's made it into the 70s, but I want to do better than that.

Later Im gonna go yz house for swimming. And the after the results it's lan.

And Im gonna see the result slip when I get there. Lol hope I dont cry when I see the result slip.

2010-03-01T05:10:00.000-08:00

Lol check this video out. Koped it from cw's blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSMeUPFjQHc

It feels weird to have an mv featuring angmohs in a 发如雪 setting. Sometimes cross-culture just doesn't work.

2010-02-28T05:56:00.000-08:00

Rs membership expired. Zzz. Guess it's back to hardcore physical training. Anyway, I only have 2 more months before I get enlisted. Supposing I dont get results that cmi of course.

But if I do, how? I realised I cant even write nowadays. For example, take a look at the length of this post. I spent half an hour coming up with this. LOL. And I forgot most of the stuff I learnt in school. I will really be done for if I kena retained..

Anyway, if I happen to get reasonable grades, I will probably be organising a campfire/bonfire. Lol. Any interested souls tell me pls. Bring your jc notes along.

2010-02-25T22:19:00.001-08:00

Checked something of fb that left me speechless. Wtf. Things shouldn't be that coincidental; it looks really as if it has all been planned out.

.. wonder if they will turn out to be good friends.

2010-02-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

-.-
Got two bedbug bites yesterday night. Itching even until now.
I tried sleeping but I woke up in 10-15 minutes because of the unbearable itch. Twice. Think there are bedbugs camping near my bed. And the thing is: they bit me only when I was sleeping. I was on my bed the whole time when I was awake and nothing happened. The first time I went to sleep, I woke up with a swollen right hand. The second time I woke up with a swollen left arm.
Also I couldn't find them at all! I would've felt a lot better if I could find them and crush them in any way I possibly could.
So I went to sleep at about 1 plus, but I finally managed to sleep at about 3 plus to 4.
Sian. Scared this will happen to me again later tonight. Maybe I should fake sleep and see what happens. Or probably film the whole thing down.

2010-02-24T05:34:00.000-08:00

Heard that the results will be out next friday.. will be here before I realised it.
Anyway it's time I reminded myself that I shouldn't hope too much for anything, so that there will be no chance of them getting dashed. I experienced that far too many times lol. Everything tends to fail my expectations.
Just take what has been given. Maybe I'm comforting myself, but it's all for the best. Lol.

2010-02-17T05:59:00.000-08:00

Huh? Why isn't "runescape" in dictionary.com? lol
Have been fishing in rs for the past week. Wtf and I am still fishing! Btw 2400 more fish to go. Fishing ftw.
And MOE Judgement Day is in 3 weeks. Hope the results wouldnt be too bad.
Anyway I intend to open my results slip only when I reach home. Otherwise, if I were to be too happy over my results, it wouldnt be very nice for the others who did badly. And if I were to feel sad over my results, I always have a tissue box at home. Since I've already tolerated the suspense for about 2-3 months, and I am going to tolerate another month of suspense from now, why dont I tolerate an hour more -- until I get home? Feasible right?
Lol. Siao.

2010-02-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

Wtf. Playing rs in a lanshop now.

2010-01-31T00:10:00.000-08:00

When right seems wrong, wrong seems right.

2010-01-28T18:40:00.000-08:00

I felt a wave of nostalgia yesterday night as I listened to Invisible by Clay Aiken. Especially the times I had with Sherman. He was the one who introduced me to the album, and he was the one who made the song so memorable to me (this sounds gay lol). Well memorable in the sense that he always used to sing Invisible while always doing that weird dance.

In secondary 1 and 2, he was the one who disturbs others for fun, and me as well. Then we'll end up deesiaoing each other each time as well. And once things got so crazy, I flung his wallet into a small drain accidentally, and that nearly spoilt his condominium card.

Come to think of it, Sherman had something to do with 'iloveans' also. Many people think that iloveans is a form of declaration of love to some girl with initials ANS. LOL actually that's not it. It all started when I wore an ultra small pair of shorts to school. At the computer lab, Sherman laughed and said something about liking my ass(somewhere along the line). Then when I wanted to get a new RS account, I decided to create a username that had the idea "i love my ass". In the end I chose iloveans instead of ilovemys in order to make the idea less obvious. So yeah. It's just a retarded childish nickname that I have been using since sec 2.

It's too bad that Sherman chose to make use of the fact that he is a national swimmer, which allowed him to get into TJC at the end of sec 2 due to the IP programme. When 211 invited Sherman over to a barbecue, and he did come, we realised that we don't have any common topic to talk about anymore. Also, when I coincidentally met him in Signature Park(he lives there), we just kept saying "eh? eh?". Like a form of saying hi and bye. That's it. Whenever I listened to Invisible, I will start to think about and compare the times all of us had in sec 1, with the times we saw each other recently. It feels a bit sad.

But what can we do? Such is life I suppose.

Edit: This post is gay lol. Needed someone to unveil this truth before me. Should have realised I shouldnt have written anything when I am overwhelmed with emotions. But I'll do anything to get you guys laughing. I'll keep this post rofl

2010-01-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

雨爱

窗外的天气
就像是你多变的表情
下雨了
雨陪我哭泣
看不清我也不想看清

离开你我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里学会放弃

听雨的声音一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
让想念继续让爱变透明
我爱上给我勇气的 rainie love

久违的雨滴一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽
冷冷的空气很窒息
我无法呼吸
一万颗雨滴的距离
很彻底让爱消失无息

离开你我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里学会放弃

听雨的声音一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸象雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
让想念继续让爱变透明
我爱上给我勇气的 rainie love

窗外的雨滴一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽

2010-01-23T03:48:00.001-08:00

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop" --- Confucius

2010-01-18T16:52:00.000-08:00

"You'd better give me respect!"
"Why should I give you respect? What have you done to get it?"

Yeah lol today's post is on respect. Haha wtf. But anyway I feel like I've been in similar situations, and have seen a lot of others in them too: between sergeant and recruits(not me since I'm not in NS yet), between boss and employee, between parents and children, between leader and group members,.. or just between people. Though respect is a feeling that (I think) will come naturally to a person towards someone, that will be only so if the latter has something for him/her to be respectful about.

This sounds really stupid, since it's stating the obvious, but come to think of it, many of us forget about this fact, including me. For example, if you were to be the leader of a platoon, you'd want them to just do what you say. But, they may not care that you're their leader. They dont respect you just because you are their leader.
So, to make others respect you, I feel that it's important to be an important role model to them. Others will then slowly look up to you as a role model. Of course, the way you interact with others is important too, like you need to make yourself out to look like you are more mature to others, but I still think that if you want others to show respect, you just have to get it by your own.

I will need this respect from others later on in my life. It's extremely important, whether in NS, in university, in working life, and so on.. Must make sure that I will get it myself.

So for now, I must engage in rigorous training. My stamina has worsened, even though I still ran frequently. To be respected, either by others or by myself, I must, at least, have perseverance. I have displayed this value more than many others, and I will continue to do so. (reading this sentence give me goosebumps myself but who cares anyway)

But, of course, I will not be able to tolerate others as much as I used to already. No more emoing when faced with cbs, their cb backstabs, their cb actions, their cb words(and on and on..) No more tolerating all of this, or else others wont even know wtf happened. Lesson learnt. Arguments, confrontations, and even violence.. they may not the ways out, but at least I won't regret my actions. LIKE I AM NOW. zzz

2010-01-06T05:06:00.000-08:00

"The date of release of the 2009 GCE A-Level Examination results has tentatively been scheduled to fall within the period between
5 March and 9 March 2010." -SEAB

Sian lol. Dont feel likie getting the results leh. For almost all the subject exams, I only realised where did I go wrong after I had handed in the papers to the examiners. Immediately. Especially the physics paper. When I realised that I need to use Pythagoras' Theorem (and I already drew the triangle), the auntie shouted time's up. Zzz. Then because of integrity/cowardice, I didn't even go on. Regretted it.. could've completed that question in less than 1 minute.

Hm. So now what? One more year to go? Then cry in front of everyone? :o
Touchwood. Lol.

By the way, Mr Raymond Ya got married already. Found that out after tracking his facebook account lol. And his wife seems to be the same stead I saw when I was in sec 1. Hm. Lol though it's just like 6 years, I still feel that they had been together for ages. Ah maybe it's cause everything seemed to have changed since sec 1, so I got this 沧海桑田 feeling? Yeah should be.

Anyway, may He bless their lives as they live together in godliness. Actually should've posted this sentence of facebook but it's sounds a bit cliche so I guess I'll just forget it.

2010-01-02T05:15:00.000-08:00

He is always there for you, so no matter what, just relax and go with the flow. Although what He wants you to do may be against your wishes, but if you know you have to do it, just do it. Don't give yourself excuses not to.
The above sentence is like an enlightenment I thought of suddenly while eating a bowl of instant noodles lol. Well anyway, this sentence is definitely worth remembering for me. For His will to be done!
Anyway I didn't do an update on the potluck on Thursday so here goes:
Firstly went to yaozhong's house to meet up with canxiong, jingyun, xinyi and him. We wanted to get the potluck stuff. But jy had to go find his jc friends so he left for Queensway. Pangseh. Haha. So the rest of us went to Fairprice and got $22.80 worth of food.. and the cost's to be shared among cx hongyang yaozhong me. Haha cheap stuff for a New Year potluck.
Well later me and cx went to hongyang's house to make use of the kitchen. Joyce was there singing with hongyang haha. Then they still wanted us noobs to sing in front of them..
Still we did, though I didn't sing except for the chorus. And hy's parents cooked our potluck stuff for us. Wah. Sorry for the trouble and thanks though we really intended to do them ourselves, though it wont come out as nice of course.
And we watched Up together, waiting for the rest to arrive. Yaozhong and xinyi arrived, though they left soon afterward haha. And there's hockseng, jlow, joel, jingyun, leon, nicholas, weizhong, and yuzhi who arrived with icecream and durian haha.
And after eating, all of them decided to go for LAN.
Expected. So I went also lor. Played a few matches, but surprisingly I think I did better with Omniknight that time. The degen aura did everything for me actually. LOL. But there was one time when everyone was in a fight, I tried to press "rejuvenate" and "guardian angel" WHILE activating the speech box. -.-||| So I cant do the skills, and in a way I caused my team to lose in this fight? Argh ps man. You guys should've known I was always so blur since sec 1. Anyway we won that match. Lol.
Then we went on to play Wintermaul Wars. Then, l4d2.
Halfway yuzhi had to leave because he was going to Malaysia the next day, and Justin arrived, just to watch us play. haha
We all ate ramen at 5 bucks before heading back to hy's house to watch some movies. Like paranormal activity and final destination. I didn't really watch them anyway.
We left at 6 plus, which was quite early. Hm.
Although we didn't do much, with so many people, including ones I didnt see or talk to for a long time, I think it was worth it to go to the potluck. We wont get to see each other much once NS starts anyway.

2009-12-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

Went out to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 with my family. Lol as expected, the movie's boring for me. It's about the chipmunks going to school, meeting female fellow chipmunks who can sing, and some problems, and so on. Hmm well it's a G movie anyway right. Can't see much action.
Anyway now I'm at home left with nothing to do. Boring. And to think a few months ago, I was wishing for the holidays to come asap. And now, when it's the holidays, I still don't feel happy. In fact, I'm complaining. Guess I must learn to enjoy what I have right now - the free time to stone and slack; the free time to stare at the computer screen while blasting music(secondhand serenade!). If not, I'll definitely regret it when I have to serve the army then. Sigh.

2009-12-27T05:58:00.000-08:00

Secondhand Serenade - It's Not Over

My tears run down like razorblades and no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you or is it me?
And all the words we never say come out and now we are all ashamed
And there is no sense
In playing games, when you done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over
Why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over
It's over
It can't be over
I wish that I could take it back, but it's over

I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away
The life that I led
But I won't let it die
But I won't let it die

But it's over, it's over
Why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over
It's over
It can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this wont last forever
You're breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
Don't tell that we will never be together
We could be over and over
We could be forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this wont last forever
You're breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
Don't tell that we will never be together
We could be over and over
We could be forever

It's not over
It's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over
It's not over, it's not over, unless you let it break you
It's not over

2009-12-24T08:29:00.001-08:00

Right now in gamehaven. After one dota match, I kinda siandiao so now doing nothing. Haha noobletness that's why.
Anyway went swimming just now, and i think my freestyle improved liao. Woot. And I can swim underwater for a longer distance now. In the 50m pool, I can go underwater throughout, rising to breathe 3 times only. Haha but still kinda weak I guess. That means for every 50/3 m I need to come up once. =/
Then after that specially went to City Hall's HMV to buy the Awake album. And I FOUND it! Lol that HMV there has got everything =D Shuang gonna indulge myself in total emo-ness haha
Anyway, hy smsed to tell me he's alone in Chinatown. So I wanted to accompany him lor. Turns out he was just waiting for the rest to LAN. WTF haha then I cant escape le. Bobian came to gamehaven spend money @ $2.50/hr. Wah. For the first 2.50 I was playing dota la. Starring as a noob dwarven sniper that can only lothar to the forest to assassinate. LOL. Total noobishness la. Then I still accidentally ks kills.
Okok anyway I siandiao le so I am currently wasting more $2.50/hr watching Naruto and.. BLOG! LOL
Anyway today's Naruto anime episode was about Tobi revealing Itachi's true aim to Sasuke. Wah lau tons more emo than the manga la. Nearly cried together with Sasuke? Hm nah joking. I not that paper. Haha.
Btw going to drink at Clarke Quay later. HAHA. Siao sure cant drink much le la. Turned more noobish. That time, at Angella's bdae party, I couldn't tahan 2 cups of Vodka. Like really. Vodka leh. They diluted the 40%(i guess) vodka in 1:4 ratio with ice cream soda.
AND I COULDNT TAKE IT. Worst drinking record ever man. Wa wasnt like that before. Why nowadays, when I am more emo, I actually drank less? Things werent supposed to be like that. =/
And still, again, I feel very sorry about that thing. But I don't have the guts and face to clear things up. Fail. Sigh.

2009-12-23T06:50:00.001-08:00

Last Time - Secondhand Serenade
----
I'm stuck with writing songs
Just to forget
What they really were about
And these words are bringing me so deeply insane
That I don't think I can take my way out

I couldn't breathe through it
Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing

So I'll sing this song to you
For the last time
And my heart is torn in two
Thinking of days spent without you
And there is nothing left to prove

I'm counting all the things I could have done
To make you see
That I wanted us to be what I go to sleep and dream of
I want you to know that I'd die for you
I'd die for you

I couldn't breathe through it
Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing

So I'll sing this song to you
For the last time
And my heart is torn in two
Thinking of the days spent without you
And there's nothing left to prove

And if you are alone
Make sure you're not lonely
Cuz if you are, I blame myself
For never being home
I know I'm not the only one
Who will treat you like they should
What you deserve

I'm stuck with writing songs
Just to forget

So I'll sing this song to you
For the last time
And my heart is torn in two
Thinking of the days spent without you
And there's nothing left to prove
----
Just take a look at the lyrics. It's a masterpiece. I really need Secondhand Serenade right now!

2009-12-23T06:16:00.000-08:00

Went swimming today. Woot felt accomplished. Swam a lot today haha. But when I swam freestyle, I took in quite a lot of water. Hmm think something's wrong with my technique. But anyway I felt very relaxed.
And then went to bpp and lot 1 to search for secondhand serenade's first album -- Awake. Cant find it though. Secondhand serenade songs are uber imba. Why dont the music stores have it? They don't even have the second album(A Twist in My Story)! Lol. Maybe they don't have it because his songs are all so emo, and it's dangerous to let people like me listen to these songs?
HAHA.
But.. must.. find.. emo.. songs. I'll get it somehow. At most, download lor. :P
And just now when I went to the bus-stop to take a bus home, I saw this girl who looks really familiar. Think I have seen her somewhere, but can't remember where and when. It's as if she's one of my primary school classmates who went to other schools during primary 1 or 2.
And when I saw her, I felt really weird leh. Why ar? Hm probably it's because my mind recalls seeing that person before. Then kinda.. excited? :S Or probably it's just my hormones la. HAHA. Yeah. Should be my hormones. Oh but nvm. Cant even remember her face now le. Still think so much for what?
Anyway, kinda looking forward to the singing. Haha. Hope I would have gotten better by then.

2009-12-19T06:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went overnight at hy's house with hongyang jingyun yuzhi and justin. Lol had fun there though I was kinda emo there as usual, though I tried not to already. Well I was being tired anyway. Firstly we discussed about our problems, and what we used to do in sec 1 and 2. Found out that justin was a guai kia in sec 1 LOL. Then yuzhi's hairstyle was like that at that time being he wanted to be like Ryu of street fighter. Haha funny stuff.
Then we also talked about the people in our jcs. Particularly weirdos. Well there isn't any weirdo in ajc I guess. But in Njc there actually is. And he went to Woodbridge after J1. haha. In J1, Yuzhi and his friends used to stalk that guy during breaktime and laugh at him. They would sit in a corner to peep at that guy. The funny thing is, one day when they were having lunch, the weirdo was found peeping at them in one corner instead rofl. And during NJC sports day, when the flag barrier was running in the track to signify the start of the event, the weirdo was seen running behind him in a ninja-style way! LOL just like Naruto! Wah he confirm can cosplay better than me haha. This guy was sent to Woodbridge after he poked a few girls in the back with some object(forgot what it is)
And Jingyun said that in ACJC, during pae, there was a talk on "男女授授不清". When boys and girls are talking or sitting together, there must be a gap between them. If not there will be 12 demerit points for both parties. wtf. And this talk seemed so serious everyone was solemn and quiet.
Then the DM asked,"Is there any questions?"
And suddenly one guy, who proudly wore the "councilor" badge on his chest, asked, "Where do babies come from?"
Haha the DM was so angry he called the guy up to the stage, wanting to punish him after the talk. But when the talk ended, he left already lol. Turns out he wasnt even eligible to get into ACJC that time.
Oh well it's too bad there isnt much entertainment in AJC like this. Jealous lor.
Anyway after that we went to watch a movie called "1408". A horror movie. Hmm I went to sleep halfway through the movie lol. Anyway I was too scared to watch. But I heard from my friends that the plot is that the main char was being tormented by some ghost with some illusions and all. Haha kinda like Naruto's Tsukuyomi aint it.
Lol a day/night full of laughter and fun. Just like the old NH days(Y)

2009-12-14T06:34:00.001-08:00

Woot feeling much better today! But sometimes I still think about the times I used to have in NH. Sigh like I said, I am really sorry for taking for granted friendship that time, and thus destroying the bond we had for years in just 1 day. The more I think about it, the more I think that I am responsible for this. But oh well I shouldnt think about it and emo even more.
Anyway I didn't get to go out because I had an appointment today zzz. Wasted. Just when I am feeling much better today..
And.. I tried exercising with my Wii. Lol it sucks. I realised I didn sweat. Hmm ok maybe going to the gym will be much better. Together with the running and swimming, I think it will be sufficient to prepare me for NS in 4 months time. Of course, provided I am determined enough to continue exercising.

2009-12-11T05:16:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I realised I　forgot how to smile.

When my brother told me he got an EAGLES award, I was truly happy for him. But I said "grats" with a black face and think his facial expression changed slightly. Maybe I was thinking too much, but still I realised how black I looked in front of the mirror. Furthermore, Jy also said that recently, I wear a "bittergourd" face wherever I go.

Sigh, really. Maybe I was too used to the fun NH days where we guys did loads of crap that when everything suddenly changed, I was unable to adapt to the change. Maybe I was too used to those emo days that when I stopped smiling, I was unable to adapt even though JC school life ended as well.

But things do change, no matter what. So what if things are not the same anymore? So what if there is nothing to laugh about? I should force myself to be happier, even though it is really tiring. I have no choice but to do so, or else I will be sad and appear sad as well. Since I cannot find any reason to smile, I might as well smile though there is no apparent reason. Maybe by doing so, I will really become happier. As for the emo part of me.. think I will just vent those feelings in my posts(like I didn't already do it). I doubt anyone would want to have emo conversations with me, or listen to me talk about these things for days anyway.

2009-12-10T18:23:00.001-08:00

Sigh I fell sick, though it's not very serious. I have a slight sore throat + flu now. And when I thought I got better, I drank from the bottle I used when I was more sick. Lol so I think it probably got worse I guess? My immune system is pathetic.

Anyway I have not been following my timetable, or rather my supposedly exercise routine. I don't feel like going out nowadays and socialise with others, even when I was well back then. I even gave up my potential job to my friend just because I suddenly don't feel like going out anymore. Think I am turning into a "full-fledged" introvert. Woot. I have been cooping up at home to play Pokemon (rofl) and also to stone. Like since jc 2, stoning has become my favourite hobby and activity I guess. Somehow I feel better after stoning, probably because it conserves me energy to feel more happy haha. Think emoness has really become a part of me liao lol..
Guess I should really find some way to energise myself, not physically, but mentally. Maybe aromatherapy? Lol. But right now I think the easiest and cheapest way to do so is to exercise. So I should force myself to do so. Hope I can get better so I will be able to continue with my exercise routine.

Reflection after today's service

2009-12-05T03:07:00.001-08:00

Today I have learned much. Really a lot.

Pastor Sim Boon Yong came to preach today, and the title of today's sermon was "the sorrow observed". Quite the appropriate title for me. Since sec 1, I had a serious problem of pseudo-insomnia, which causes me to have a fear of sleeping, that worsens this problem. Few had this, and I felt really helpless then, for no one understood me at all. To make matters worse, although the problem isnt as bad nowadays, up till now, I still have a kind of "phobia" or "trauma" regarding this problem. Then came the relationship problems. Two broken friendships in one go during sec 1 due to one misunderstanding I didn't clear up, another during sec 2, when I spread a secret I was obviously meant to keep, then another during sec 4, when we argued over a ruler(how did I even manage to do this?)

Recently, due to me not handling things well, half my class started to distant themselves away from me due to one misunderstanding caused by exaggeration by the heck of a guy. Why did this happen? That's because I stood up for him. I trusted him. That's why he had the opportunity to cause the relationship between me and one of my friends to sour. Subsequently, I emo-ed for one whole year mostly due to this incident, and things just got worse. So, where is justice in this world? Should I have cleared up the misunderstanding, despite probably causing another class problem? Can there only be justice by causing even more problems? Or despite trying to be nice to everyone, I have actually become a hypocrite, and so its my fault? What the-

Luckily, this sermon answered my questions. Like really. The answers to all these freak accidents that you would never have thought of.

In Peter 1 2:18-25, it reminds us that Jesus suffers on the cross for things he have not done at all, and took insults and all, but still, he did not retaliate. Hearing this, I suddenly thought of myself in the same situation, although on an extremely smaller scale. Yes, like the pastor had said, certain sorrows relate us to the characters in the Bible. They have suffered worse, so why should I complain?

Also, Pastor Sim elaborated on the view that sorrows are but trials. They cause us to be more sensitive to God, to question God, and therefore strengthen our faith. I agree. I do question God especially after the recent misunderstanding. "Why me? There are others out there with tongues far worse than mine, especially the person who caused my year in my class," I'll say. "Why me and not HIM?" But my faith wasn't strengthened at all. That was because I was not able to find the answers to these questions. But now I do.

I thought about what Pastor Sim had said, and ascertained the fact that our Christian lives on Earth are but tiring marathons which test us on our perseverance. All these problems, all these fears, they can cause one to distant themselves from God. To add to the difficulty of the race, you must not bow to the majority and their sins. Even if all the people outside are practising sin and looks down on you for not doing it, you cannot give in.

It's like a race with two paths, where the finishing line signifies the end of our mortal lives. The wide path that leads downhill is the path the majority take. It's easy to run on. The width of the path allows room for others to pass by you without knocking into you. And also, gravity gives you the additional force to run forward easily and smoothly. (The majority do their stuff without getting questioned and laughed at, and they can enjoy their lives on Earth)
However, the second path is a narrow path that leads uphill, obviously built on a steep and dangerous slope. Many who climb this path fall back to the starting point, and decide to take the wide path right away. Only the minority is able to complete this path. During the run, people will tend to knock into each other, and it is really tiring climbing uphill. (The minority tend to be laughed at and questioned and judged, and their lives on Earth are full of problems and challenges)

So why take the path that leads uphill? That's because the wide path leads to a waterfall that cannot be seen easily. The narrow path leads to a peak, and everyone on this peak are given priceless prizes, despite who gets there first.

Just like this parable, the majority give in to sin. They do not believe God. They sin without giving a second thought, as if it's perfectly normal. And their end? Hell. However many fail to see this. The minority climb the actual path to Heaven. And their reward is the obliteration of sin around, the father of all grief and sorrow. A priceless gift from the Maker Himself.

Therefore I realised that no matter what, I should just move on despite the sorrow and pain that I have to face. Insomnia? Face it. Tongues? Ignore it. That's how a Christian life should be, isn't it? But of course, I could do better by trying to come up with precautions to prevent similar incidents happening to me. Some of the people feel that their raison d'etre should be to fulfill their dreams, or happiness on Earth. Of course that would be good. But we Christians should have a raison d'etre of our own: to get to Heaven. All our encounters on Earth can be laughed of once we step into paradise. And that's obviously my aim.

All those atheists out there can laugh at me. They must be thinking that I have really turn into a nutcase from this post I guess. And I dont blame them, for I was once an atheist as well. The Big Bang Theory and Darwin's Theory of Evolution is sufficient to explain why we are here in this world, they'll say. Well, I felt that way too, but come to think of it, are you guys serious? That molecules will somehow find their way to become water and food, and others will somehow form living things that DEPEND on them? This ultimate system in the world: is it possible to occur on its own by SHEER COINCIDENCE? Yeah, sure, tell yourself that it's just so that after zillions of eons, things just.. became that way. (Even when animals somehow manage to mutate to adapt to the surroundings, dont you think that the cause of it is not solely due to DNA, but due to miracles?)

Maybe I am weak, therefore I need a pillar like God to back me up despite these challenges. But don't you think that maybe, just maybe, you should give yourself a chance and go search for info regarding the apologetics on Christianity?

*Anyway to those who still have contact with me and want to seriously find evidence and argue whether God exists (and not talk crap), you can come find me, I'll lend you a book called "I don't have enough faith to be an atheist". Haha I'll be glad to.

2009-12-04T07:21:00.000-08:00

Well it's been roughly a year since I started blogging again. And out of boredom too. zzz
Anyway decided to start training for my NS. Had to in order not to be KIAed. But I am not going gym for training, as expected of an otaku like me haha. I intend to use my Wii to do so. Many rofled over this but I am quite confident there will be good results:) Laugh all you want; I'll flex my huge biceps to shut you up. Yeah.
All right. Thought for roughly thirty minutes and this is all I have come up with.. nice job Kiat Boon.